Unexpressed Feelings

I am romantic but shy
I am understanding but constrained
I am caring but don’t know how to show it
I talk a lot but through eyes
would you being oblivious
read my unexpressed feelings?


Risk Taken

It happened when I was in college in final year engineering.
Everyone was busy preparing for campus placements.

On 16th July 2012 we were about to face the first company. I was not much interested to opt for it. The technology they were using was not of my interest.

Then on 18th July 2012 another company was supposed to visit our campus, again I was reluctant to opt for it. Same reason.

I skipped both companies and opt for Nvidia the third company which visited on 20th July 2012. Well, skipping companies could be a normal thing for many people.

Here is why it was a RISK, I was an average student in my college. I was sure that third company Nvidia will not select more than 2-3 students. And all toppers and scholars from my college were waiting for Nvidia. So, my chance to get selected was very very less among more than 400 other students.
My friends adviced me not to skip those companies because those companies were good and were paying sufficient money as well, some called me stupid as well. But I was firm and determined.

I took risk, did not go for first two companies not even to attend their introductory talk. I studied well for three days(not more than that, but efficiently).

And the day came, I went for Nvidia aptitude test with incertitude and was not much confident. But when I got paper I went on solving most of the questions. And got selected for interview. The moment of exhilaration when I came to knew I topped the aptitude test. I went on to get selected and I was on cloud nine already.

Katraj to Sinhgad(K2S) trek

A perfect day off for me is the day full of activities. Here I preferred to spend it trekking the fort.

Well, I was hesitant to go for such arduous trek at first when asked but I accepted the challenge. The reason for being hesitant was pretty obvious. Because once you start the trek there is no going back. The decision to be taken was binary either go and complete the trek or simply don’t dare. So, I had to prepare my mind.

We started on a beautiful full moon night at 11pm from Katraj. Everybody was exuberant. We crossed the first mountain easily. And I was like, “Ahh, that was easy”. And somebody told me there are 14-15 such more(even difficult ones). Yes there are 14-15 such mountains/hills you have to cross and those are spanned across 12-14 Km.

We started for second and somebody was already tired and afraid. We encouraged her and it worked(there was no going back :P). It was little challenging than first one. We rested for a moment.

We started for third and after that we followed a pattern, we climb the hill, rest at the top and again start climb down and start for next.

The feeling of exaltation you get when you reached the top of the hill is inexplicable. The cold breeze(It was November) touches directly to your heart and you start connecting with nature. We also got the beautiful view of the citylights. Once I felt like the whole city is on trek with me.

After crossing 2-3 hills we were able to see the red light on Sinhgad fort. I felt that’s my goal and it seemed very close. But the fact it was not close. But it was helping us to keep track of our directions to Sinhgad.

We had conversations, I cracked some jokes and doing so we had already crossed 10-11 mountains.Now we were able to see only 2 mountains between Sinhgad and us, but whenever we crossed another we used to see another 2.

By 5:45-6:00 am we were exhausted and had no energy to walk(forget about trekking). Then we rested. The sky started playing with red color and after couple of moments we witnessed the most beautiful sunrise in my life. We all were silent enjoying the sunrise. It had washed away our exhaustion. We were recharged. My trekking was already paid off with sunrise.

Beautiful sunrise seen from some mountain in the journey

Afetr that we crossed 2 hills and we were tooo tired. Then we had tricked our brain that we were not tired. Our patience was being tested, but we did not give up, we couldn’t either even if we wanted.

We started again and reached the fort by 8 am and celebrated it in our own way.

If you ask me how the trek was, I would not undermine it with words like good or nice.

The trek taught many life lessons to me. It taught me not to underestimate myself and not to restrict myself for smaller things. It taught me to be determined and to be patient in difficult situations.

Going back in time

Whenever I go back to my town, all the memories take me back in time.

The things which were of most importance to me has no importance in my life today. Those are smaller things, but then those were rare and vital for me.
I used to find joy in smaller things, example eating a candy, the joy which used to last for at least a week.
Now even the five/six digit salary or similar things doesn’t give me such joy, they give a little joy with the feelings that won’t last over hours.

A little quantity of crackers used to mean a lot for me. I still vividly remember the fights that I had with my brother for crackers, those fights were painful then, but looking back those are the best of memories I have.

What happened to me over the years? What happened to me?

I want to go back, become a kid and wanna have fights with my brother. I want the long lasting joy of eating candies over money or luxury.

We used to have fights over whose cracker would make more sound, it was beautiful. Now all I hear is the sound of trains, buses and planes competing for noise.

Where was I and where am I?

My dreams were more high than the rocket we fire in Diwali.
I used to have wings, wings of unbounded imagination which used to take me to journey of many dream lands. I miss my wings.

I still remember my happy face when I used to get a new clothes. Now I get it every month but the faded happiness it can’t bring back.

I’m missing The ‘abhyangsnan’, early morning bath after applying the Utane( mixture of turmeric, sandalwood powder etc) on hands, legs and cheecks. Which I used to have during Diwali at hometown. I used to be very enthusiastic about it.

Where is that joy, happiness? Is it still with me? Or left me far behind with memories only?
If it is still within, how to find it?
Is the happiness became complicated? Or is it still simple and we became sophisticated?


You wanna dance, then why do you cry
don’t be a shy just give it a try
here is a dance floor, go move it.
Just do it! Just do it!! Just do it!!!

Why do you keep dreaming
just go for swimming
here is a pool go dive in it.
Just do it! Just do it!! Just do it!!!

When you were a kid you had a dream
you wanted big and not an ice-cream
now you are grown up, going with the stream
u better be a kid go grab it.
Just do it! Just do it!! Just do it!!!

There is neither right nor a wrong
now is the time and you are very strong
you are very lazy and u always find a reason
you think u cant, but You can and I know it.
Just do it! Just do it!! Just do it!!!

You have taken a step, and
you either gonna succeed or remain as it is
don’t turn back now keep walking hills up
keep faith in thou stop mocking others up
when you reach up the hill, will you feel it.
Just do it! Just do it!! Just do it!!!

You are fine man you don’t need pills and potion
just climb the hills and dive deep in the ocean
it doesn’t matter who you are African or Asian
if you have a dream go get it.
Just do it! Just do it!! Just do it!!!

If you want something that you never had before
you gotta do you never done before
they also are human being and error prone
you don’t be lazy and leave your comfort zone
why they can and you think you can’t do it.
Just do it! Just do it!! Just do it!!!

Devastated And Free!

“Only when we have lost everything; we are free to do anything” – source unknown

Comfort Zone

The most loved area (a pond, believe me) known and loved by us which we naturally are hesitant to leave.

So, it may be a nice(I doubt) job, a daily schedule that we follow or many other things. This comfort zone handcuffs us with pretentious happiness that we carry through out our lives. But deep down something eats us up for not doing ‘that’ right thing.

But we can’t exit this pond because we are happy(at least pretend to be happy) with whatever we have. Actually, we are not ready to cross this bars of comfort zone. We are not ready to give up the things we have(we might have earned those things with great effort, saturated then, uh?) easily. We have a fear of losing something.

Devastated and free to leave a comfort zone

Now imagine that you have nothing no money(financially devastated), had serious relationship issues(emotionally devastated) and many bad things in world. Now, what you have and what you are, nothing. Now you don’t have a fear of losing anything and thus are free to do anything. This will easily help you move out of your pond to an ocean of awesome happenings.